How to Deal With Seeing Your Kids Less After a Divorce

If there are children involved, getting divorced doesn't just break up the marriage, it also breaks up the family. If you don't get custody, or if you have to share custody, you may miss your children much more acutely than you miss being married.

In order to remain a good parent for the sake of your offspring, you need to make an effort to deal with your feelings and find ways to take care of yourself. Don't let your negative feelings about the situation become a burden for them.

Make Plans & Keep Yourself Busy

On days when you aren't going to see them anyway, don't just sit at home and stew about missing them. Try to fill that time with something constructive.

There's a reason we have sayings like "Idle hands are the devil's workshop." One of the worst things you can do when you have negative feelings about something you can't really change is to wallow in them. It does no one any good.

Treat Yourself to Some "Me Time"

Parents often have little to no time for themselves. Between their paid job, household chores, and parenting, they may find it impossible to have a grown-up "date night" with their significant other, go to the gym, or pursue a hobby.

It may help you make your peace with the situation if you view it as built-in babysitting that frees you up to have some time for yourself. It would be wise to spend it doing things that are "family friendly," such as hitting the gym instead of the bar, but investing in yourself can be a constructive use of that time that helps you be a better parent when you do get to see them.

Find Extra Ways to Keep in Touch

For some parents, the only good solution is finding ways to have more contact with them. This may mean eating lunch with them at school or volunteering to be a recess monitor once or twice a week. It may mean talking to them on the phone on days when you aren't going to see them in person.

It helps to work hard at staying on good terms with the other parent. It can also help to make sure the other parent is getting something out of it. They may be more receptive to suggestions that you take over specific chores, such as taking the kid for haircuts or doing the back-to-school shopping (on your dime) with them.

Obviously, when you do have them with you, you should make your children your priority. They should be your focus when you do see them. Schedule other stuff for the "off" days.

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